Forget and forgive?


Recently Helen told me that it’s better to forgive and forget than hate. I agree with her, but she got me thinking. How does it works?

I think, that we need to forgive first, so that we can forget after that. You can not forget something you haven’t forgiven, at least I can’t. May be some people forgive when they forget something, may be that’s how the “time heals everything” works. But I think that it’s not really forgotten, it’s just faded away then.

It’s funny what Google thinks about it:

2.160.000 for forgive and forget

7.710.000 for forget and forgive

Hm? What do you think?

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8 Responses to “Forget and forgive?”

  1. Holly J Says:

    Yeah, this is hard to do. Some people its easy to forgive. Especially when you love them SOOOO much. Other people….not so much. I still struggle with it. I think the key, for some things at least, is to stay a bit detached. I realize now that a lot of things that people do are not really about me but some other issues they have that I may be a symbolic trigger for. IDK. In any event, I do believe it forgiveness.

    The new question is when you forgive somebody, do you try to pick the relationship back up or do you forgive and move on???

    • teo Says:

      It depends…

      You can forgive and forget about the person at all. That doesn’t necessarily means, that you’re still mad at him, sometimes just things happen, that you can forgive, but your relationship can’t be the same afterwards. Sometimes you don’t want the new kind of relationship with that person, but you can never have that what you had before, so why not just let go and without trying to force some new kind of relationship, that doesn’t make any sense for both of you.

      You can also forgive, forget and still have the awesome relationship that you had. If it goes that way I actually don’t think you need to pick something back up, it just doesn’t change at all. It’s forgiven and forgoten and doesn’t affect your relationship and that’s great πŸ™‚

      And finaly, it can affect your relationship, but you can try to put it back together. You’ll still have other, new relationship, but it’ll be ok for both of you or it could be even better than the old one, because you’ve grown up and your relationship grows up and develops with you…

      So the question is what kind of outcome do you want?

  2. helen Says:

    Well, well, well. You have to forget in order to forgive. They go together. If you say “I forgive you” but you still remember the pain and feel pity about yourself or mad at the other person for being so cruel, unthoughtful, etc… then you haven’t really forgiven. You want to forgive, you want to be a better person but you still feel the hurt and you still react to the same triggers.
    Yes, detachment is needed. Other people have their stuff, we have our stuff and sometimes we react at things that were not meant to hurt us.
    It’s easy for me to preach; forgiving and forgetting comes naturally to me. And as a rule I don’t get angry at strangers or people I barely know. It is only in very personal and intimate relationships that I have that strong emotions but again I forgive and forget – only it takes more time and it is more painful for me. That’s why I said the other time: “when you β€œdon’t hate” you remember only the good things and then it is harder to let go.”
    I should write a blogpost myself instead of spamming here πŸ™‚

    • teo Says:

      You don’t spam. That’s how I want my blog to be like: put a topic, your opinion and discuss it in the comments πŸ˜‰

      You’ve said again to forgive and forget, but you’re saying that you have to forget first. I really think that we mean the same thing, but somehow it comes out differently.

      If you haven’t forgiven, of course you’ll still remenber. Forgive doesn’t mean forget. Forgive means remenbering the pain and finding the strenght to understand and forgive, to let go, to not being mad, although you still remember, then you can forget.

      After you’ve forgiven you can forget the pain, because you’re not mad about it- you’ve forgiven it. You can not forget it without forgiveness, because that would mean that you can’t find your peace with what’ve happen and that you can’t forgive. So if it still bothers you and you’re still mad about it, how can you forget?

  3. Svetlina Says:

    Naaaah. There`s no point in forgiving something and forgetting it after that. This way the same mistakes can come back to you.
    Remembering is good, forgiving is good but they don`t exclude each other. If you forget, you can`t forgive. If you forgive, you don`t need to forget.

    • teo Says:

      You are actually right. I just didn’t mean forget like forget that it ever happened, but forget like that you don’t bother to think about it anymore.

      We forget stuff all the time, but not like forget that they exist or that they’ve happened, we just stop thinking about them because they don’t bother us anymore. If something or someone reminds us of this stuff, we can still recall it, it’s not like you have amnesia.

      The mistakes will come back to you if you don’t learn from them. If you forgive something, it should means that you’ve understood it, you’ve learned your lesson and that’s why you can let go (forget) πŸ˜‰

  4. Svetlina Says:

    πŸ™‚ I don`t know πŸ™‚ Letting go and forgiving come naturally. If you decide to let go, you don`t actually let go and if you decide to forgive you don`t actually forgive. So… first came, first came and that`s it πŸ™‚

    • teo Says:

      It could be like you say, but for me it doesn’t comes naturally.

      I can’t naturally forgive something, just because it’s been awhile or so, I need to make my peace with it first and that’s something I need to think about, I need to understand and decide how can I live with it. Can I let go or does it still bothers me? I need to decide this by actively thinking about it and making an consious decicion and of course by periodical rethinking too, if needed.

      If it works naturally for you, you can consider yourself as a very lucky young woman πŸ˜‰

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