That’s what I’m doing right now, ping-ponging. Actually the word that Leo tells me is the best for what I want to say is to oscillate, but somehow I think that ping-ponging is better. It’s faster, more omnidirectional and more influenceable. And that’s exactly what I feel like.

Ping- I love him and that’s all that matters

Pong- there’s no point in being together

Ping- he’s The One

Pong- he’s an idiot

Ping- but that incredible, inexplicable feeling when meeting his eyes for the first time across the room, that must be love, and it lasted for more than 3,5 years, that’s amazing and we should hold on to it

Pong- there’s no such thing as the one or true love, I should think practically and be realistic

Ping- something just happened and made me realize, that I really, really love him and I’ll regret every minute, that hesitate about is there a point to hold on to love

Pong- he doesn’t love me, so fuck him

Ping- he says that he loves me, so why not believing him

Pong- something just happened and showed me again, that he actually doesn’t love me

Ping- but something else just happened and showed me that he actually do and I just misunderstood the other thing

Pong- o no, looking realistically may be I misunderstood the other thing

I’ve never been like that and it totally sucks. It was always been “easy” – I think and think, do and do and at one point I’ve made a decision and that’s it, I walk my way and it is on.

And I’ve aways had a great back-up plan in case of hesitation or doubts. If you hesitate or doubt your decision, it’s wrong. Closure. It’s that easy. And it’s been working flawless. Till now. Now I’m doubting and hesitating about both possible decisions and I don’t have a plan for that… Do you?


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8 Responses to “Ping-Ponging”

  1. davecandoit Says:

    I’m so sorry to hear you’re ping-ponging all over the place, Teo. Everyone’s experience in love is different, of course, but from my experience you probably already know the underlying truth of the situation but your heart keeps giving you hope and clouding your judgment. Like any habit you want to break, the only thing that works is time. Every time you slip, you reset the clock and that countdown begins again. You are young with a bright future ahead of you and it would be a shame to waste the summer or longer with someone who isn’t fulfilling your needs. Something to think about. Hope this helps.

    • teo Says:

      “it would be a shame to waste the summer or longer with someone who isn’t fulfilling your needs.”
      It would also be a shame to leave the love of my life out of proud or so…

      You are right with the time etc., but as long as there’s no final decision made, there’s no clock ticking…

      “you probably already know the underlying truth of the situation but your heart keeps giving you hope and clouding your judgment”
      Here I would disagree – it’s a decision of the heart, not of the mind, so if my heart is somehow not satisfied with the decision, it’s the wrong one… The stupid mind messed up the things in the first place. It’s such an overrated institution in the modern time, mind…

      10x for the support πŸ™‚

  2. Charly CONCHITA Carlyle Says:

    I ALWAYS look to your blog when I want a little look into my heart, when I crave that deep illustration of what is all feeling and intuition…raw…touching…anyway, I came today and I recieved just THAT! Thank you…as I am ping-ponging along through my desires a bit as well and like to think I am not alone…undecided…but never alone! xxx c

    • teo Says:

      I’m so happy I’m not alone too πŸ™‚ Although I’ll be happier to be decided sometime soon too πŸ™‚

      xxx and good luck with all the Brutes πŸ˜‰

  3. Kristin Says:

    You’re a wonderful writer.
    I’m ping-ponging too.
    In fact, everything this says sounds like my thoughts.
    I’ve been dwelling on it all night. Same thoughts–back and forth..
    i hope everything works out for you! β™₯ i know it’s rough

    • teo Says:

      That’s amazing, you’re ping-ponging too πŸ˜‰ It sucks, but knowing you’re not alone makes it better. 10x and good luck you too with your ping-pong πŸ˜‰

  4. Holly J Says:

    I know how this game of Ping-Pong goes. Just ride it out sista! That’s all I can say. Listen to your gut and ride it out. Let him prove himself to you. Don’t tell him, of course- but just watch his actions and wait. The truth of a situation will always reveal itself!

    Hang in there. You will figure it out. Some people are worth a second go and others you just got to say “hell to the no!”. Only you can know which one this man is. Stay strong, stay smart and above all else, enjoy the ride!

    • teo Says:

      Hey, 10x- that’s what I’m trying to do πŸ™‚ I’ve seen that you’re wrote about Jasper, I have a lot of catching up to do… See you soon πŸ™‚

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