That’s what I’m doing right now, ping-ponging. Actually the word that Leo tells me is the best for what I want to say is to oscillate, but somehow I think that ping-ponging is better. It’s faster, more omnidirectional and more influenceable. And that’s exactly what I feel like.
Ping- I love him and that’s all that matters
Pong- there’s no point in being together
Ping- he’s The One
Pong- he’s an idiot
Ping- but that incredible, inexplicable feeling when meeting his eyes for the first time across the room, that must be love, and it lasted for more than 3,5 years, that’s amazing and we should hold on to it
Pong- there’s no such thing as the one or true love, I should think practically and be realistic
Ping- something just happened and made me realize, that I really, really love him and I’ll regret every minute, that hesitate about is there a point to hold on to love
Pong- he doesn’t love me, so fuck him
Ping- he says that he loves me, so why not believing him
Pong- something just happened and showed me again, that he actually doesn’t love me
Ping- but something else just happened and showed me that he actually do and I just misunderstood the other thing
Pong- o no, looking realistically may be I misunderstood the other thing
I’ve never been like that and it totally sucks. It was always been “easy” – I think and think, do and do and at one point I’ve made a decision and that’s it, I walk my way and it is on.
And I’ve aways had a great back-up plan in case of hesitation or doubts. If you hesitate or doubt your decision, it’s wrong. Closure. It’s that easy. And it’s been working flawless. Till now. Now I’m doubting and hesitating about both possible decisions and I don’t have a plan for that… Do you?