The tittle says it all actually. I have the feeling, that the older I get, the more anxious I get. When I was like 16 or something I was “fearless” – an accident, a killer on the next corner, an apocalypse, I didn’t care. I didn’t bother thinking about it. I felt strong, lucky, kind of prepared and sure in my survival. Kind of “So what if there is a killer on the next corner, I know that I’ll find a way to escape and/or kick his/her ass, to survive”. Not that I was really stronger or anything, this was just my state of mind and it was helpful in many situations.
Today it’s not really so. I just have the feeling, that even if I survive it like before, it’ll have more dramatic consequences. I have the feeling that certain survival tactics, while survivable for the rough loner-me, are not survivable for the good, humanistic, loved, loving and future-orientated me.
I don’t know if that makes any sense to you, but I can put it in a simple question: Are you more anxious now as when you were younger and why?
Tags: fear, fearless, growing up, survival
little coping koala 
October 31, 2010 at 19:55 |
Hmm, I don’t think so.
I did Karate a few years, so I think I would fight back as strong as I can. Here the second woman was raped, probably the same offender. I know since I was 7 I think that there are no monsters which are waiting for me, but I know there are housebreakers raper and so on.
Now I would do a bungee-jump, too, because I have nothing to loose.
But if I imagine I would have a baby, I would bei probably sorrowful the whole day. I would think, that I cannot get off of a dangerous situation or cannot step in, if something bad would happen.
But as long as I have nothing to loose, I would be such carefully but not anxious.
November 1, 2010 at 14:17 |
“But as long as I have nothing to loose, I would be such carefully but not anxious.” exactly that has changed for me, I have the feeling that I have a lot to loose, although I still have only nothing, funny…
“Now I would do a bungee-jump” – wow, when, where, with whom, can I at least see pictures or something, or maybe I’ll be there to watch you sream 😀 😉 Great idea, I’m glad for you 🙂
October 31, 2010 at 20:01 |
Hmmmm, I would have to say yes and no. When I was younger I was more anxious of things getting me. Small things like monsters and other people. I wouldn’t ride my bike home from my friend’s house at night unless I had something sharp on me like a knife or a screwdriver. Meanwhile I had no fears about the greater world as a whole.
Now that I’ve gotten older my anxiety has shifted. I know there are no monsters and I am physically capable of defending myself from another adult sized person. Sometimes I carry a taser if I am going past dark areas at night, and I can legally buy a pistol if I want to. I’m no longer scared of small things like that but I’m more worried about larger things like political/religious movements.
Did I miss the point? :p I’m a little confused on why survival tactics would be ok for the loner you, but not the loving you. Are you saying that you might not be able to harm someone in self defense, or that you would feel bad afterwards? (Or something else entirely? :p )
November 1, 2010 at 14:23 |
“I’m more worried about larger things like political/religious movements.” – yep, that also of course…
I don’t think that you’ve missed the point, it’s way more general as I’ve said it in the post.
“Are you saying that you might not be able to harm someone in self defense, or that you would feel bad afterwards?” – To be honest, I don’t know, I’ve been asking myself that for a while now, but I don’t really get a satisfying answer. I think it’s really a strange feeling of having more to lose and e.g. if you drop an apple on the floor, she wouldn’t “break”, but she’ll have a dent and while she’s still as tasty etc., you wouldn’t buy it in the supermarket or something…
October 31, 2010 at 20:56 |
Не знам, може и да си права. Не че аз съм особено голяма или пораснала, но определено има нещо. Нещата се променят донякъде когато започнеш да мислиш с главата си и да спреш да бъдеш безстрашен. Което си е абсолютната истина, като хлапе не се страхувах да направя нищо, не че сега се страхувам де 😀 Аз пак съм си безстрашна.
Но има и нещо друго. Страхувам се, че не съм готова да поема отговорност. Това го осъзнах сега, когато започнах да се уча да шофирам. Навремето карах всичко, което притежаваше баща ми или можеше да ми намери. Но сега е друго, знам че ако аз сгафя, всичко ще се изсипе на моята глава. Не се чувствам готова да поема отговорност за себе си като шофьор, камо ли за другите.
Мисля, че и оттам идва страха в това когато станеш по-голям, едно на ръка е, че започваш да се замисляш повече.
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I don’t know, you may be right. Not that I’m really grown up, but there’s something there. Things change, when you start to think with your head and stop be fearless. That’s really true, as a kid I didn’t fear doing anything, not that I do now 😀 I’m still fearless.
But there is something else. I’m afraid of taking responsibility. I’ve realized that while taking my driving lessons. Before I was driving everything, that my father owned or found for me. But now it’s different, I know that if I screw up, everything can be traced back to me and I have to stand up for my mistakes. I don’t feel capable of taking responsibility for me as a driver, not to talk about the passengers with me.
I think, that that’s where the fear comes, when you grow older, and you start to cogitate more.
November 1, 2010 at 14:38 |
Има го и този момент. Относно карането мисля, че всичко идва с опита. Аз от книжката не съм карала почти и още ме е шубе и определено не искам да поемам отговорност за някой, просто защото все още не съм автоматизирала процеса и не съм сигурна в изпълнението му.
Това замисляне представлява точно това имане на нещо за губене, замисляш се, че всъщност искаш да се задържиш тук и да направиш нещо и тн.
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You’re right there. For the driving I think that experience is most important. Since my driving licence I haven’t driven a lot and I’m still afraid and I don’t want to take responsibility for anyone (besides me), because I’m still not confident in my driving skills.
The cogitation (I hope that this word fits here) represents this “having more to lose”-state of mind I think. You see, that you want to stick here for a little while and do something…
October 31, 2010 at 22:26 |
Nope. Quite the opposite – overcoming obstacles gives me confidence that I would survive the next time too. Or as they say: “This too shall pass.”
November 1, 2010 at 14:40 |
That may be the healthier way… I’m glad for you, too bad I’m not as healthy/strong/grown up as you, or maybe not too bad, but just different 😉
November 1, 2010 at 23:42 |
Maybe you’re not a grown up yet 🙂
Seriously, it depends on personality.
But fear is a tricky thing – you study psychology – you should know. Anxiety and other problems. They may start quite incospicuosly and then develop in severe problems because the constant repentance of a reaction creates patterns in the brain that are very difficult to change. Not impossible but very difficult.
So my advice is – fear should be overcome and you should use your naivete to expect good consequences and not bad.
and: as a rule I don’t do that but please correct your tittle – no “s” in “grows”
November 2, 2010 at 08:11 |
Thank you so much and please – do that! If you think “well, she’ll notice it tomorrow anyway” I can assure you that it ain’t going to happen, so correct me anytime you can!
And yep, I’m not grown up, never said I am, still don’t want to be. Moving to a new place is actually a part of postponing the growing up 😉
Good advise, 10x 🙂