Is it all about sex?

Sex sells, sex can be an universal motivator and reward, a weapon, a trade good etc.

But lately I’m getting the feeling that sex is really not that kind of a big deal nowadays. It’s everywhere. You can get some anytime. If not – just one click away it’s an endless variety of visual stimulus for every fantasy. This over supply dulls our perception of sexual stimuli. A bare ass/tits today is not what a bare ass/tits were 10/20/50 years ago.

I don’t want to talk about this simple perception though. I get the feeling that  the sex drive today is simply not that important for our social lives (because it’s mostly satisfied), but the need for love and affiliation. I mean: I don’t see people talking to me, because they want to have sex, but simply to have someone to talk to; I don’t see people being on Facebook, because they want to have sex with some of their 500 friends, but because they want the feeling of being accepted, liked and belonging to. (before, life e.g. 5-10 years back I was seeing people doing a lot of thing just so that they can get to having sex).

It’s like sex is also not the ultimate frontier to intimacy anymore. On every party I go there are some girls that start making out or showing some flesh, but talking about e.g. religion is like soooo personal, sometimes I don’t really get the world today…

How do you see the situation today? I could also be seeing simply my need for love and affiliation projected in the behavior of others.

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15 Responses to “Is it all about sex?”

  1. Svetlina Says:

    This can be the introduction of a very long essay or book 🙂
    If you are really going to analyze the nature and effects of sex drive, you might want to begin with categorizing diff groups of subjects like girls, women, gays, 40 year olds, city people, small town people, maybe nerds, workaholics, Scorpios…
    Yes, girls find it easy to talk about sex. It doesn’t reveal anything personal, it just tags them as girls. It wasn’t always like this but… what can we do 🙂
    I as a girl (not yet a woman… la la la) prefer flirting or going to bed with the guy from the bar to talking about politics, religion, poetry or work for example. It`s more of an experience than revealing, it gives me more control of things. I`ll share my things, I`ll share my life and thought and… my-self with the one I want. As a sexual creature I feel safer 🙂

    • teo Says:

      “If you are really going to analyze the nature and effects of sex drive” – that wasn’t my intention at all. I don’t want a research project, a scietific fact or analysis of anything, I was just talking about and asking for totally subjective personal impressions…

      “I as a girl (not yet a woman… la la la)” 😀 enjoy it now, as we can see lately, you’re on your way to a women, remenber the hight heels? 😉

      “Yes, girls find it easy to talk about sex.” – yeah, talking about sex I can get, but there is something wrong to find it ok making out with some girl you don’t know, just because that’s what you do on partys, that’s fun, then sharing your religious views with her… I can simply be getting too old, idk.

      “As a sexual creature I feel safer” – safer from what, real feelings, putting yourself out there, being vulnerable and maybe getting hurt? That’s exactly what I mean, since when do the majority of people act this way, so that it slowly becomes “the right way to be”?

      I don’t have kids and a lot of friends with children, but I wonder if today kids are being told, that there is no love, but just sex or something and I personally find that sad. What I ment with the post was, that people today are trying to find love and affiliation via “sex-ways” I think.

  2. Nadinka Says:

    You’re so damn right…

  3. Svetlina Says:

    Heh 🙂 Exactly because we are romantic we keep our inner parts to ourselves and share the rest of it which turns to be our flesh 🙂 Kids dont think there`s no love, they just know that there`s nothing abnormal about sex or sex-talks.

    I admit that reaching love through sex is the way i prefer things. But is that bad?

    • teo Says:

      “I admit that reaching love through sex is the way i prefer things. But is that bad?” – That’s actually my point and I’m not saying it’s bad, I was or am like that too, I’m just wondering how come in a very short time span people choose this way so much more often and if that’s just my perception or do others share it too.

      PS. Sorry, now I see that the post so doesn’t make that point clear. In the post I kind of skip that step and go straight to the assumption, that people still do seek love through the sex ways, but I don’t rise the question of why this way is “the cool/right way” nowadays…

  4. helen Says:

    It’s never been all about sex. Sex is just a manifestation of bondage between two people but it does not create bondage by itself.
    Being hurt sucks and that’s why many people choose to refrain from bonding to other people altogether. To reveal their intimate selves, to show their weaknesses and to trust that the other person would not hurt them. In this case it is only reasonable to try to compensate the emotional lack (and the soul longing) with sex. But it doesn’t work that way. Just like with any drugs (emotions are the result of drugs produced by our own bodies) you get to need more and more stimuli for the same hunger. And it doesn’t lead you anywhere – certainly not to true intimacy and sharing.
    And not to forget the accompanying risks – pregnancy, diseases and physical abuse. They are far more likely to happen with this kind of lifestyle than the much feared broken heart.
    Ee, I think I could go on forever 🙂

  5. bpdisme Says:

    You certainly raise many important points here. Great post topic! Personally, I can see how sex has become less intimate and sacred to many because of the overwhelming exposure through the media. Personally, I don’t think such has really affected me. Perhaps it’s the values I was raised with, but I don’t see sex as any less sacred, special, or intimate. As a result, to me, sex is still the most intimate, loving, experience/expression one can share with another.

    • teo Says:

      I’m so glad for you then, if these values makes you happy 🙂 And I really don’t know, but also the situation in the USA can be very different…

      • Nadinka Says:

        The same here. But I can say that most of my friends don’t understand me at all. Sometimes I feel like a desperate outsider 🙂 So…I often think about this and how in fact these values don’t make me happy at all but that’s ME and I will keep them all if I want to keep my personality the way I feel it.

        • teo Says:

          If this values are YOU, so they make you happy, because there’s nothing better than just being YOUrself 😉

          “Sometimes I feel like a desperate outsider” – see, that I don’t get, as I was growing up the other “stupid-wall-building-scared-of-emotions-and-real-love-people” were the outsiders and so quickly it’s turned around… Maybe I was just growing up in an outsider field and never noticed it 😉

  6. Bain Says:

    Sex is overrated, mainly because it is easy to get. Flesh is displayed everywhere, and as years pass, the easier it gets to find yourself some of that naked flesh – mainly because while it is not a way of getting accepted nowadays, some still think it is.

    Oh, it is still used in a similar fashion by some, no argue there. It’s still a currency – it’s just that the price of that currency, like the euro or the dollar keeps falling down and rising up rapidly. If you are disgusted of the use of this currency, there is only one way to improve it – stop using that same currency yourself. Don’t have sex, don’t stimulate the sex business. Duh.

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