My dears, it’s been almost a month and a half since I’ve started building up a new habit. So what happened?
In the 28 days of February I’ve been creaming my hands in the bus every morning on my way to work. Because I’m weirdly conscientious – every morning I was thinking “O wait, you HAVE TO cream you hands, because you’ve decided to try this habit thing – remember?”.
After the first week it became easier to remember it, as soon as I was out of home I was thinking “wait, do you have your hand cream with?”. And that’s it, at day 28th creaming my hands wasn’t a habit, I didn’t do it automatically, I didn’t feel badly if I don’t do it – I just have learned to think about doing it regularly. It’s kind of “Ow, you should cream your hands, don’t you?”. And that’s it, I can say “O yeah, I should” and do it or “Meh, I don’t feel like it” and don’t do it – I don’t do either automatically, I still have to consciously make that choice.
So, nothing really interesting so far.
More important for me is, that now I really understand why I don’t have habits. I don’t let myself keep such, because I hate the feeling of “I have to” and I imagine having a habit being a state of unconscious “I have to”, where you don’t even get to decide if you feel like doing it right now or not – you just do it, because you have to, because it’s a habit, you have to do it because you’ve done it so many times before. That terrifies me.
I know that this is kind of stupid, but it is like it is. I feel happy with the illusion of being free in my actions and I’m not hurting anyone. I literally spend the 12 days of march mentally celebrating my freedom of that potential habit that I’ve chosen as good for myself.
So my dears – happy habit freedom to me, what have you been doing ❓