Is this how a feminist looks like too?


hello kitty feminist

hello kitty feminist

I am a feminist, simply because I believe that both genders should have equal rights and nobody should be discriminated on grounds of their gender. This is what feminism is actually about, in my opinion. But often I feel like it goes way beyond that.

Sometimes it’s about how you raise your children, how you dress etc. At least that is the feeling I always get from my feminist friends. Some are very tolerant, others not so much. It’s always really good, if your son doesn’t only play with cars and guns, but also with puppets and other “girly stuff”. Really the best is if your little girl loves blue, green or yellow, play with lego, cars and pirates and doesn’t even own a barbie. Little girls who play with puppets and love hello kitty are kind of… not feministic. Exactly like women who take the name of their husband after the marriage, or women who marry at all, or women who stay at home and prefer to be a full-time-mothers and “have it all”, or also women who dress like obviously really sexy (not classy sexy, just sexy) or even worse – girly…

This is kind of wrong, isn’t it? Isn’t feminism about not discriminating girls or boys, regardless if they play with puppets or cars and not about trying to simply switch the gender roles and try to make boys more girly and girls more boyish? Isn’t that leading to just another problem of the same manner, as we are not becoming more tolerant about personal choices, but simply starting to prefer and reward “not traditional” personal choices…

It’s just something that always comes to my mind when talking to some feminist friends… How do you feel about it?

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2 Responses to “Is this how a feminist looks like too?”

  1. Eneya Says:

    You have pointed a very valid question in regards to the double standard that boy coded things are cool and girly coded things are bad and dumb. Unfortunately it is very hard to go against this bias, since it is shoved down out throats everywhere and always. “You are good at x… for a girl”, “she’s got balls!”, “don’t be such a wuss”, “you throw like a girl”… even our insults and praises are incredibly gendered. Do I need to mention that we have this moment in which everything one does is viewed via her gender first and after that as a human (if at all)? And it is too easy to fall for the dichotomy… even unintentionally.

    I like that you are asking the question… for me sexism against women FROM women is perfectly valid thing… it IS there and it happens. I think the issue for many women with girly things is for the perceived lack of choice… It is… complicated? 🙂

    I have spent so many years claiming “i am not like all THOSE girls” and it took me a while to understand that the issue is not with the girls but how we view “those girls”… equally more time has passed before I can realize that I am prejudiced against other women… I expect them to be better, smarter, stronger, funnier and be BETTER before I can see them the same as other men… and that is not even conscious.

    After years of avoiding skirts and makeup (though I had the excuse of training a lot, which excluded makeup and overly girly clothes) and it is quite complicated to accept that yes… girly things are cool too but ONLY and WHEN I want to and feel comfortable to… not when I feel pressured. The issue is the pressure is very indirect. For me, for example, I have been with short hair most of my life (I don’t look good with longer hair for some reason, pixie cut suits me best, I have a very child like face and long hair makes me look weird)… however, from time to time I will feel guilty I don’t have a long hair and will grow some (up to my shoulders) and if I mention I want to cut it, the reactions are as if I planning to part with a hand or a leg. The unwanted advices to wear more skirts (because you look good in them!!) or to grow my hair longer (it suits you dear, you have such a nice hair!)… all this sweetness… you either give up and roll over or you react and jump at the other end of the spectrum, hating everything girly… even though that is just a symptom, not the issue. 😉

    It takes a while to reconcile and clear for yourself. Also… it is also different in more heavily policed societies like UK/Germany/US and etc. so I can not even imagine how the men and women of those countries survive it. 😉

    I don’t know if this answers anything or is just a rambling. I am sorry love, if this is just spam. You asked 😉

    • teo Says:

      “I am sorry…” for telling you my opinion after you asked about it – so girly *rolling eyes* 😉 *super irony sign*

      “boy coded things are cool and girly coded things are bad and dumb” – yes, exactly, this is one of the biggest problems. So the logical thing would be to fight this stereotype and make “girl things” cool too and not only encourage girls to do “cool boy thing”. This is not wrong in itself, but if it stands alone, it just makes “girl things” even less cooler.

      I haven’t really thought about it earlier, because I myself am not a “girly girl”, never felt pressured to be one and always find it pretty uncool to be “girly”… But lately I began questioning this and really find it only contradictory to want equal rights for women and no discrimination against women, but then more or less discriminating the “girly girls” and finding girly things uncool on my own… It should be about making all the choices equally cool, not simply encouraging women to make the “cooler” choices…

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